I took the GRE on tuesday and almost had a panic attack earlier that morning. Not a good combination. So I choked on the test but I REMAIN UNDAUNTED. My honey helped me a lot, he is remarkably supportive. I'm a very lucky girl. The quest for grad school is ongoing and I try to do something about it everyday. As far as I can tell it's never an easy battle to get in. I'm sure some of this might be due with that I want to get into a school that's probably out of my league but I can hope damnit. Over the past few weeks I've been rather lacking with the house chores and my room looks like a Hurricane hit it. I'm finding the cleanup rather cleansing from the overwhelming pressure I put on myself to do well on the GRE, too much in fact. I was a hollow husk of myself that day but that had to do with more than the GRE. Maybe I'll talk about it sometime on LJ but not right now. I've worked it out with who was most able to help me and everything is better.

I had a health scare a few weeks ago and I've been worried about my health ever since, probably worrying too much actually. I think my phobias are increasing in their potency too. All in all lately I've felt in less control of my life, and that's incredibly aggrivating. Organize and focus. But on the other hand I've fallen in love which is worth being out of control. My honey and I are so silly into each other. I'm amazed sometimes at how happy he can make me.

*stands*
"Hi, my name is Samantha and I'm a Chris addict."
*sits*

Now I'm just hoping my Grad school ends up in the same town. *crosses fingers* Okay back to cleaning.

Have some Terry Gilliam!

Fly Damnit

I've been going through some of my past entries, I think I was a fair-weather friend. Lost in finding myself I didn't see my relationship with my friends dwindle away. I got used to a clique that would always be there and lost the individuals. I have many regrets about that. I can work on being a better friend now, I hope I can. I feel as though I've turned some friends into enemies. Whether it be because of a boy or I was just too dense to notice I've insulted someone. I'd like to think I'm not that person anymore, I don't want to be.

I lost a friend that I still really care about. I cry about it sometimes. She may smile at me and say nice things to me, but I don't even think she likes me anymore. I don't blame her, I think I hurt someone she really cares about and I wasn't really there for her. For some reason I just can't fucking let it go. I still care. I don't even know how to stop. Or do anything about it really. Just feel like a jerk and hurt. Maybe its best if I try to give her space.

I just wish I wasn't so fucking emo about it. It's not smart to send her emails. Then send another email saying to ignore the previous email. I'm acting like the broken up ex. *sigh*

This is just how life is. Who knows maybe someday we can be friends again.

My life is in such a happy disarray right now. I have no idea what the future will bring but I've never been sqeemish about trying out new things. I'm qualified a work. Awesome. I'm kinda on a sucky shift but at least I'm not working graves. My love life has certainly improved. I'm exploring a new city. I'm uncertain what all of that will lead me to. My life looks so perfect in writing. I'm nervous I think. I know how short wonderful moments like this really are.

My favorite memories so far for this trip have been(this list is more for myself):

-Tears of overwhelming
-Coffee house twitter talk
-Finding the perfect little black dress (PLBD) and matching shoes
-Relaxing in a hot tub on a cool afternoon with a beautiful view
-Meeting odd funny people
-Rare Earth Magnets falling down a copper tube
-Talking horror films
-Staying in bed until 1pm
-Flashbacks to LARPing
-Excuse to wear PLBD
-The best words I've heard in a VERY long time
-People doing nice things for me without asking
-Eye contact
-Spy Ball
-Dancing with a partner and not utterly failing
-Feeling beautiful
-Exploring a city with someone
-Snapshots
-Showing someone something new and watching them learn
-Pub and Snug
-Scotch
-Mission Accomplished
-Eating in
-The Prestige (Tesla!)
-Comforting someone
-Doing something familiar when so many things are new
-First fix of Guild Wars

I'm kinda sick of all the Judge Sotomayor commentary. I LOVE that she had an educated opinion. I don't care if she's abbrasive. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she needs to be NICE. She is doing her freaking job. I deal with this all the time at my work, just because I'm a woman they expect me to act in a specific way and if I don't I'm a bitch. I LOVE science, but the more I act like someone's daughter rather than a woman the more respect I get. It's weird. GET OVER IT. There is something to be said about creating a great work environment but ask yourself one question: how would you like your Sister/Daughter/Mother treated in the workplace?

I was told by a derelict this weekend:

"Hey Lady, you're with class."

He was referring to my date.

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas A. Edison

Here I am waiting at a railway station. Watching people come and go. Glancing at the numbers on the cars without care. I'm not really doing much, just looking around watching other people live their lives. The best moments of peoples lives are lived at places like this. Family or friends welcoming each other with open arms. Teary eyed fairwells. Excited faces of children going on vacation. I get to live their life for a few moments. It's riveting, especially to someone that's not. Living that is. Just watching the world pass by. Waiting for my train.

Only the mediocre are always at their best.

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

I've decided to start designing for a Sons of Ether costume that I will wear God knows where. Maybe for Halloween or Das Bunker?

It's Canadian of course.

The Night Before Thanksgiving Or Chivalry Gone Amuck

So the night began with decorating a ginger bread house. My roommate was going to spend thanksgiving with her Mom in Oceanside. So here it was, pouring rain and she is on four inch heels, arms full of clothes, and no umbrella. So, I though I would be chivalrous and escort her to her car with an umbrella in my sandals and a bathrobe. Little did I know that she locked the door handle so that when we closed it to leave the apartment I was locked out. I didn't realize this until she had been well on her way to Oceanside. So here I was, just like the beginning of an RPG with only four possessions in the world: my pajamas, sandals, an umbrella, and my bathrobe. Thank god I live in a relatively polite complex because the next person I saw (a rather cute waiter named Craig) that lived in my complex allowed me to borrow his cellphone to call the only number I knew by heart. My parents. So, there I was waiting for my Father to show up with the few directions he was able to jot down before I felt guilty enough to allow Craig to go back to work from his dinner break (and hopefully not too late even though he reassured me that my situation was much more important). So I took a stroll down my street. Then up my street. Then twirled my umbrella. And then just freakin waited. For 40 minutes. In the rain. In my bathrobe. In my sandals. Until my father thank god showed up. From there I increased the number of my possessions to feminine products (nature waits for no one, including those without apartments), a cellphone, and eventually a phone number for an available Locksmith. Who knew how many Locksmiths advertised 24/7 service who didn't pick up the phone? At this point I was at my parent's house in Fountain Valley. My parents, who are freakin awesome, drove me back to Mission Viejo to wait for the very late Locksmith. As he approached my door he briefed me on his fee, which was originally quoted to be $55 plus labor on how difficult it was to open the lock. His labor fee was $95, for 5 seconds of work. I need to learn how to pick locks. Now. So, $150 later I was home! But wait the story doesn't end there.

This morning as I was balancing my checkbook to accomodate for this extra charge I noticed there was a $1500 purchase on my statement that I didn't make. So I spent several hours on the phone disputing charges, canceling cards, and notifying the defrauded companies.

Let's just say this has been an exciting Thanksgiving. And it had just barely started.

The end.

Or is it? /:}

Ever read the news and think this would make a great horror film? Well wikipedia had an interesting "Did you know...":

"South Bass Island Light is a lighthouse on the southern end of its eponymous island in Lake Erie.

The tenure of the first keeper, Harry Riley, and his assistant, Sam Anderson, was brief. Concerns about a smallpox outbreak on the island were realized in August of 1898, though as it happened the cases were mild and there were no deaths. Nevertheless, a newspaper report on September 1 told of Anderson, who had been hired just the previous month, drinking heavily out of fear of the disease and hiding himself in the lighthouse's basement, where he kept a number of snakes. He then emerged and threw himself into the lake, shouting, "God save them all." His body was recovered the following day. On the same day that this report appeared, Riley was picked up by the police in Sandusky, apparently insane. He was committed to the state mental hospital and died there the following March. Tragedy struck again in 1925, when the keeper, Charles B. Duggan, was killed in a fall from a cliff on the west side of the island."

My roommate is really annoying me. She moved in around March or so. Her boyfriend (maybe not-so-boyfriend anymore) works as a Security Officer at my work. She works for MAC, if anyone is looking for a makeup artist or anything she's really good. I LOVE splitting rent, it saves me so much money.

But lately she has been kinda bothering me, especially since I've been working graves (11pm-7am). This morning before I went to bed she teased me about eating tortilla chips and beer then complimented me on my outfit which consisted of my old UCI sweatshirt and baggiest holiest jeans I own. That was just weird, maybe she was trying to recover from her chiding me, since when am I going to eat tortilla chips and beer, before I go to work? She teases me quit often but about weird things like doing my laundry at the complex instead of going to my parents...it's just weird.

Next she slid a paper the leasing office delivered under my bedroom door which doesn't need a reply until Nov 31st. Then she knocked on my door (around noon) to give me a package that was just delivered. She could have just set them on the table or something like what I do for her.

I suspect she needs people time but honestly that is nowhere near my top priority right now. Getting a good days rest seems to get harder and harder, and her constantly coming into my room isn't helping. Also, she put my sweater the I loaned her in my fruit bowl. What the hell's up with that?